5/5 STARS
This book was difficult for me to read. I actually put off reading this book for a long time because I was unsure of how it would affect me.
I haven’t lost anyone in a car accident or been the cause of someone’s death, but I have dealt with grief that was strong and still affects me to this day. I still struggle with panic attacks related to the loss. I felt like I understood most of what Carver was going through. I felt an emotional connection with him because I had felt what he had.
Carver sent the text that killed his three best friends. Now he is left with no friends, a mountain of guilt, and a bottomless pit of grief. On top of all that, there might be a criminal charge brought against him for the death of his 3 best friends. Blake’s grandma doesn’t blame Carver. Eli’s mom doesn’t blame Carver but Eli’s dad does. Mars’s dad definitely blames Carver, and is pushing for charges against him.
Carver starts by spending time with Blake’s grandma, Nana Betsy. During their time together Nana Betsy suggest a goodbye day, where they spend a day doing things that Blake and her would and trading stories. Carver does this and doesn’t feel any less guilty or have any less grief, but he feels more like he has properly said goodbye and is a little more at peace.
He tells Eli’s girlfriend, Jezmen, who he has become friends with during this time, about the day he had and she suggest having one with Eli’s parents. So they do. It doesn’t go as well as Blake’s did because Eli’s dad does blame him.
Then Mars’s dad demands a goodbye day too. This one is rough. Mars’s dad has dropped the investigation, but still blames Carver. Mars’s dad using this time to, in my opinion, abuse Carver emotionally, physically, and mentally. At the end Carver tries to tell Mars’s dad about the true Mars, but he doesn’t want to hear it. Later the two come to an understanding when Mars’s dad takes a look at his art work. They understand that they don’t really like each other and Mars’s dad still thinks he’s guilty, but they won’t have any more animosity towards each other.
I liked how therapy wasn’t totally seen as a bad thing in this book. Sure, Carver didn’t really want to go because he didn’t want to talk about what happened. But the Dr was written well and Carver does respect him. I think therapy has a bad stigma, but it can be very helpful to most people. The panic attacks were written very well and realistic.
I didn’t like how Carver was treated by some of the characters. I feel like they were placing a lot of blame on him without taking into account Mars texting him while driving and other stuff. Where Carver was wrong, I don’t feel like I would have crucified him the way some of the characters did if I was in their situations. It is hard to know, not having gone through it myself. But Carver was a 17 year old boy who lost his 3 best friends and is struggling with guilt, grief, anxiety and panic attacks and some of the characters just don’t care. They seem like they don’t think of him as a person and that he did it on purpose. I was especially upset about the church scene because it is so common for Christians to choose scripture that fits their current situation, but ignore the rest. Instead of talking about forgiveness and love, Mars’s dad pretty much preaches that Carver will get what’s coming to him and is probably going to hell for his role in the accident. The scene was written well and I’m not saying it was bad in any way. It just struck a nerve with me because of how realistic it was.
But this book was great. It deals with a lot of heavy topics that need to be talked about. I love all of Jeff Zentner’s books that I’ve read. He does an amazing job approaching the hard topics.
I listened to the audiobook. The narrator did an amazing job. I was super impressed. He conveyed emotion extremely well. I caught myself tearing up at parts mainly because of the emotion in his voice!
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